A few years ago, I sat with someone in my office as they talked through a season of deep grief. About 15 minutes into the session, they looked at me and said, “If I let myself feel all of this, I don’t think I’ll come back up.”
Maybe you’ve felt that, too. The fear that if you really let yourself feel what’s there—anger, sadness, shame, anxiety—it’ll swallow you. So instead, you push through, power down, or keep yourself distracted. Not because you don’t care, but because staying with your feelings feels unsafe.
But here’s the truth I want to offer today:
You can feel hard things without falling apart.
You can stay present in discomfort without being taken under by it.
You can learn how to stay—not forever, but long enough to breathe, listen, and move through instead of around.
That’s emotional endurance. And it’s a strength that grows over time.
Why Staying Feels So Hard
Most of us were never taught how to handle emotional discomfort. We were taught to get over it, numb it, explain it away, or turn it into productivity. We were told that pushing through is strength, and slowing down is weakness.
But the truth is, when you slow down—when you stop running from the hard thing—you give yourself the chance to heal it.
You also train your nervous system to recognize that the feeling you’re having is not dangerous. It might be painful, but it’s not unsafe. And learning that difference is what gives you resilience. You’re no longer afraid of what you feel. You learn to sit with it, breathe through it, and respond with clarity rather than reaction.
What It Means to “Stay”
Let me be clear—this is not about sitting in suffering longer than necessary or forcing yourself into overwhelm. It’s about stretching your window of tolerance, gently and intentionally.
To stay with an emotion means:
- You notice it instead of avoiding it.
- You name it instead of stuffing it down.
- You sit with it for just a few minutes longer than you normally would—enough to remind yourself that it’s survivable.
A Real-Life Picture
Imagine anxiety rising up before a difficult conversation. Your body tenses. Your mind races. Every part of you wants to back out or deflect.
Now imagine taking 60 seconds to pause.
You place your feet on the ground. You breathe slowly. You remind yourself: “This is discomfort. Not danger. I can stay here.”
You stay—not forever. Just long enough to ground yourself.
Now instead of reacting from panic, you respond from presence. That’s what this work creates.
Here’s How to Practice
Try this short practice the next time a difficult feeling shows up:
- Name It
“What am I feeling right now?” Try to get specific: anxious, hurt, disappointed, embarrassed. -
Stay for 60–90 Seconds
Set a timer if you need to. Sit with the feeling. Don’t try to solve it or escape it—just stay. Breathe. Anchor yourself in the present. - Soften Your Inner Voice
Say something like: "This is just a moment" or "I can feel this and still be ok" or "I am safe right now." - Gently Shift
Afterward, check in: ask "what do I need now?”
Maybe you need rest, movement, connection, or expression.
Give yourself something that supports your nervous system in settling.
Why This Matters
The ability to stay present with emotion—especially when it’s uncomfortable—is the heart of emotional resilience. It’s not about being invincible. It’s about being willing. Willing to slow down. Willing to feel. Willing to trust that you can handle what’s rising up inside of you.
And the more you practice, the more that willingness becomes strength.
Reflection Questions
Take some quiet time to consider:
- What emotion have I been avoiding lately?
- What happens in my body when I try to stay with it?
- What would it look like to support myself in the feeling instead of pushing it away?
In the final part of this series, we’ll talk about how to bring this emotional strength into your relationships—through honest boundaries, real conversations, and the kind of connection that lasts.
You’re doing something real and meaningful. Keep going.
— Dr. Trevor
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